it was yom kippur, the holiest day in all of judaism. a fat man with a long beard sat in the furthest-back pew. suddenly he rose and began distributing candy and little gifts to the children. the rabbi stopped. "hey there," he said, "what are you doing? who are you?" "well," said the man, "my given name is cohen, but most know me as santa claus." the children cheered, as santa bowed low. "but," said the astonished rabbi, "what are you doing here?" "well," said santa, "it took a long time, but i finally got over my rebellious phase. so i decided to do something for my own people." "that's very nice of you," said the rabbi," but you're causing a disturbance." "oh, pardon me," said sants, "i'll just sit quietly. see me afterward for nintendo products," he said, winking at the kids.
* * *

it was just before noon as the white men gathered on one side of the table and the indians on the other. black elk rose. "this is the first thanksgiving," he said, "and it's pretty much wide open right now. any suggestions?" "how about some thanksgiving carols?" said mrs. winthrop. "a thanksgiving egg hunt?" mused loping deer. "let's light 8 candles and give presents!" sang mrs. goldberg. "put me down for fireworks and getting good and ripped," said broken wing. "aw hell with it," said black elk, "let's just eat." "is that enough?" said a concerned mrs. feldman. "enough for me," said black elk. "anyway, there's a football game on later."
* * *


abraham, moses, buddha and jesus were playing trivial pursuit one afternoon in december. as the sun set, buddha said, "well boys, it's hanukkah. let's play the dreidel game." jesus stared. "you know dreidel?" "oh sure," said buddha, "i was jewish most of my life. my mom was, anyway." "yeah," said abraham, "that counts." "so," demanded moses, "what happened? did you backslide after being freed from bondage, like so many?" "oh no," said buddha, "some gal got me to chant 'nam myoho renge kyo' on a bus. and right after that, business--i'm in upholstery--started booming. so i thought, OK." "do you have a card?" asked jesus," i do carpentry." "here," said buddha, "and now, spin that dreidel."

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